Building a Supportive Workplace: Navigating Divorce and Personal Challenges with Sara Davison

Ever wondered how personal life challenges can ripple into the workplace, affecting productivity and team dynamics? Join us as we have an insightful conversation with renowned divorce coach, Sara Davison. She shares her personal journey through a tumultuous divorce, which ignited her mission to support others navigating similar hardships. Dive into the compelling world of divorce coaching, where Sarah reveals her array of support systems including one-to-one coaching, retreats, and online programs. We're pulling back the curtain on the often-overlooked impact of personal crises on work relationships and productivity, emphasizing the necessity of understanding and tailored support for employees.

Together, we explore how HR professionals and business leaders can cultivate a compassionate environment for employees facing personal upheavals like divorce. From fostering sensitivity in approaching delicate conversations to recognizing the significant drops in productivity that accompany relationship breakdowns, we underline the importance of creating safe spaces for employees. Sarah sheds light on the unique challenges posed by high-conflict situations and domestic abuse, highlighting the critical need for appropriate support mechanisms. Tune in as we aim to reshape the way workplaces respond to and support employees through life's toughest transitions, ensuring no one has to navigate these storms alone.

Chapters

• 0:03 Supporting Employees Through Divorce
• 4:49 Navigating Employee Support Through Personal Challenges

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Welcome to the HR Chat Show, one of the world's most downloaded and shared podcasts designed for HR pros, talent execs, tech enthusiasts and business leaders. For hundreds more episodes and what's new in the world of work, subscribe to the show, follow us on social media and visit hrgazettecom.

Speaker 2: 0:34

Around 41% of first marriages in the US will, sadly, end in divorce. Second and third time marriages have a far higher divorce rate. In fact, in 2022, over 670,000 divorces and annulments occurred across the 45 US states that report the stats, and it was over 80,000 divorces in the same year in England and Wales. These are huge numbers listeners of people in the workforce going through challenging times each and every year. Hello, this is your host today, billam, and joining me on this episode is Sarah Davison, the Divorce Coach. Sarah is one of the world's leading authorities on breakup, separation and divorce, revolutionizing the way we view and navigate one of life's most traumatic events. Sarah offers a range of solutions to help employees cope better, including one-to-one coaching, group coaching retreats, free guides, online video programs and her new and noteworthy podcast, Heartbreak to Happiness. Hey, sara, welcome to the show today.

Speaker 3: 1:37

Oh, thanks so much for having me, Bill.

Speaker 2: 1:39

Beyond my wee introduction there, why don't we start by you briefly introducing yourself and telling us about the mission of Sarah Davison Global Enterprises?

Speaker 3: 1:49

Yes, so I am best known with the very catchy job title of the divorce coach, as you mentioned there, and I specialize in helping people to cope better with any kind of breakup divorce, including toxic and domestically abusive relationships as well. Twice bestselling author. As you mentioned, I have a podcast, and my mission to help people really came about from my own personal experience. I've been coaching for about 15 years when I discovered that my husband, who I'd been married to for about three years, no longer wanted to be married to me. And not only did he not want to be married to me, he'd met somebody else who he was madly in love with, and I had a global business with him at the time. We had about 180 staff offices in London and in Sydney, australia, and so our lives are very much intertwined.

Speaker 3: 2:49

It wasn't something I could just walk away from, and the person he was with had then recently got pregnant by him as well, so it was a real sledgehammer across my entire life. I found out literally overnight, and that really hit me like a freight train because I didn't see it coming. With hindsight, there were warning signs, but being catapulted out of that relationship really had a huge impact across the whole of my life and I think that's something that can be sort of underestimated at times. The impact it's not just on your personal life, it's also on your family and friends and on your work relationship as well, not just if you work with your partner like I did.

Speaker 3: 3:34

But I did a lot of that ugly crying on the bathroom floor. I did a lot of phoning my mum at 2am and finally decided to pick myself up and use some of the coaching skills I had from the 15 years of training I'd had at that point and combine it with the divorce process to help me get through, because I had discovered there was no specific support for what I was dealing with and I really needed someone to give me a bit of a boost and give me some step by step actions. And in the absence of that, I created my own, which is where my mission was born to use these tools with people all over the world. And you know that's what I found from my first book being a bestseller that it really was helping people. So, yeah, I haven't really looked back from that point.

Speaker 4: 4:18

Thanks for listening to this episode of the HR Chat Podcast. If you enjoy the audio content we produce, you'll love our articles on the HR Gazette. Learn more at hrgazettecom. And now back to the show.

Speaker 2: 4:33

Okay, wow, thank you. Thank you for sharing In your experience, sara. What are some of the most common misconceptions that HR pros and business leaders have when it comes to supporting employees going through a divorce or a breakup?

Speaker 3: 4:49

It's a great question because I do see a big difference when I'm speaking to HR directors and managers who have experienced divorce, whether that's personally or from family, close family and friends, and people that haven't. I think, as I said, it's a little bit misunderstood in the ripple effect and the impact it has on you. We also, you know, a lot of people think they don't bring their problems to work, but this is something that is all-consuming. So I think, a lot of the time, the emotions are so overwhelming that, even with the very best intentions and with the most loyal members of staff and employees, you cannot help but struggle with the impact of this. Even if it was your choice, even if it was your decision to leave, you know suddenly something you discovered, or someone's been unfaithful, or you don't want this change because it impacts, obviously, your entire ability to focus. It impacts your mental health, but also your physical health. It also, you know, when you're trying to lead a team or produce work, it's just very, very difficult when you've got something that overwhelming and that life changing Because, remember, it's not just the relationship that's ended, it's also the lifestyle, the change in lifestyle that may bring If you're having a contentious divorce where there's a high conflict, whether it's just on one side or on both, it can really impact your ability to have time in your head to think about anything other than the stress and the problems, the financial changes and implications.

Speaker 3: 6:30

Obviously, the huge impact on children and worrying about that, the impact on child arrangements, not having someone around to help you around the house or to help with the children. Again, your time and your responsibilities are really going to shift and change, so your whole life will be turned upside down. It is extremely distressing for most people dealing with it. I don't know if you know that divorce is known as the second most traumatic life experience we go through after death of a loved one. So it's way up there and I think that's something that people really might underestimate from the outside unless they've been through it. And the people that have been through it in the HR departments they're the ones that are phoning me and we're having long discussions and lots of meetings to get support for their staff. And there's also a lot of research out now, bill, about the impact on productivity as well in the workplace.

Speaker 5: 7:24

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Speaker 2: 7:57

Okay, thank you, cyrus. So how do you suggest that HR pros approach conversations with employees who maybe are going through a breakup or a divorce, especially when it starts to affect their work performance? This is a very difficult conversation to be had, um, but you know, if you're going through stress you mentioned a moment ago, it's it's the second, second, worst uh thing that could happen in one's life after it, after a death, um, so one needs to be very careful when they're talking to an employee, to be sensitive to, to understand everything they they can be going through. What should that approach be from the HR department?

Speaker 3: 8:36

I think you're spot on there. It's very, very sensitive and, again, this is something that is not an easy conversation to have and it's something that you know. It really is going to depend on the person you're talking to. Some people find it much easier to open up about emotions and we all know people that will gladly give you the latest update of the situation when you see them bump into them, even if you haven't asked for it. And then there's other people who will find it extremely difficult and those people you may not even really know what's going on. It may be so hidden. They may be what I call stuffing those emotions down and maybe they're working harder, they're in the office longer hours, but that doesn't necessarily mean their productivity is doing well. In fact, the recent research from Harvard Business School shows that it reduces your employee productivity by up to 40 percent. That's four zero percent, and actually for three years the year as the relationship's breaking down, the year the relationship is falling apart. So the actual divorce process or breakup process and then the year after is they're adapting to the new living arrangements, childcare arrangements, financial situation, so the hit to the bottom line is massive. So for some people you won't see it, but other people you will.

Speaker 3: 9:58

So again, it's very difficult to know because everybody's different and their reaction will be different. Some people might say, oh, thank goodness you've asked and, yes, I want to talk about it. And other people may find that incredibly difficult and even though ideally they would like to talk about it, they may really struggle and may not want to open up at the beginning. But again, that doesn't mean they never will open up. So again, my advice is just be very sensitive to that individual. You'll know them, you'll know their personality or, if you don't find out, before you start broaching those kind of subjects, see if they have spoken to anyone else about it and how comfortable they feel. So again, take the pressure off them and just enable them to have a safe space if they do want to talk. But obviously putting pressure on people to talk can also backfire as well. So I think, as you said, it's being very sensitive, but for me it's getting them the right support from somebody that knows how to unpack that, the trauma associated to certain breakups, like, for example, if they're struggling with domestic abuse.

Speaker 3: 10:59

Again, we have to be incredibly careful and know how to safeguard and signpost those employees and statutory guidance in the UK, but I do believe around the world is shifting now to say that companies should have a domestic abuse policy, which means that you will have a procedure to follow if someone does talk about domestic abuse and say they've been experiencing it. But actually knowing what to do in worst case scenario and being best prepared for that is really really useful. That is really really useful, and also as HR teams it's. You know, you can't be an expert in everything and I think you are going to hear some pretty tough stuff and if people are talking about divorce, people are talking about domestic abuse, toxic relationships, controlling relationships.

Speaker 3: 11:46

You know, domestic abuse doesn't just mean violence. It it means emotional control, financial control. There's so many different types of abuse that don't involve a bruise and are harder to spot and harder to prove as well. I think you know those kind of topics. You've got to be very sensitive and really know how you feel comfortable, what your company policy is around those things, to be able to broach it in the first place.

Speaker 2: 12:10

So you mentioned a moment ago, some people are more private than others, some employees are more private than others, and also some HR teams or managers are perhaps not as good as spotting the signs than others. And then you add on another layer of complexity here, sarah, and that's the rise of virtual remote work. The rise of virtual remote work. How can HR leaders then ensure that they're providing adequate support to employees facing big personal challenges around divorce and separations, when they're not even physically present in the office, when they're not actually even in the same place? How does that add another layer of complexity?

Speaker 3: 12:45

Yeah, it does, and I think you've got to be able to spot the signs of these things as they're coming up. So just having some education on what are the signs that someone's struggling with breakup and divorce and especially how to spot the signs of domestic abuse, is really important. We've talked about, will drop it. Also if they are working alongside other people. Uh, the research shows that co-workers and line managers productivity can drop by up to four percent as well. Absenteeism will go up 23 percent of workers who go through a divorce or separation are taking sick or unpaid leave. So, again, there are signs that know someone is showing that you're going to need time for stress, but you're also need time off for court papers and just getting your head around what's going on. So, again, there will be some telltale signs for that.

Speaker 3: 13:42

As far as domestic abuse signs, there are signs that this is going on. I would, as an HR director, make sure you are trained in how to spot the signs, because this can be quite a difficult thing to spot, even for an expert, because we get very good and I'm saying we as a survivor myself, which is why I'm so passionate about this work is we hide it because in order to stay in those relationships, we have to minimalize it and normalize it to be able to do that. So you know, I think in in in the past, people would think, oh well, if they have a black eye or there's an obvious thing, then that would show up, whether it's a zoom meeting or in person. But with coercive control, emotional abuse, this this isn't the case. You're not going to be able to spot it unless you have some training into what to see and what the signs might be.

Speaker 3: 14:32

And you know they can be things anything ranging from isolation, being isolated from other people, an increase in self-doubt over a period of time, a lack of confidence, a nervousness about being around their partner or being late, about being around their partner or being late. Sometimes domestic abuse will be something like, for example, that maybe they don't have their laptop when they come into work because their partner's taken it to cause them problems, or maybe they've damaged it and therefore they can't use it. So there'll be little things that you know. You think, gosh, why are they always late? Or they've broken their laptop.

Speaker 3: 15:08

That's not very responsible. But sometimes behind this it isn't them, it's the situation and the domestic abuse at home. So there's lots of things to look out for and you know it's not sort of a join the dot thing but again, getting training in these areas can really help just best protect you. So you know what to look for, you know what to expect and at least if a red flag's going up then you can maybe get someone in who really understands it to best help and advise.

Speaker 6: 15:37

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Speaker 3: 16:30

Learn more at disrupthrco terribly well received so far. Uh, tell us all about it, but do so in 90 seconds or less. Go, yeah, so it's designed. I interview lots of different guests and I also have solo episodes as well, but we talk about all different um breakups, heartbreak, separation, uh, domestic abuse. It's all about tips and giving people the way through. It's all. It's very upbeat.

Speaker 3: 16:48

Everything I do is designed to give you simple tools and techniques to transform how you're feeling, take your power back and get back out there. And you know, I set up a training school to train coaches on how to do this, and so we have a whole bank of coaches that go into corporates and work with corporates. I also interview them on the podcast as well, so you can get to know some of them and their stories and those pain to power journeys of how people have gone through tough times and then turned it around to create something that actually helps other people. So very inspiring. The idea is to educate and give people simple and effective, fast working tools to get those positive transformations in a very short space of time. So that's what we do and uh, yeah, we really enjoy what we do. It's a very rewarding podcast to run because we get so much good feedback from it and people.

Speaker 2: 17:34

That's genuinely helping rock and roll and you had lots of seconds to spare. So good work there, sarah. Uh, we are almost at the end of this particular episode. We'll just have to get you back on again in the near future. Uh, but before we go, we connected through the cipd festival of work. Back in june 2024, I spoke with one of your colleagues because you were chatting with someone else and having wonderful conversations um what else is coming up for you and and your mission to help people navigate one of life's most difficult challenges. What future projects or initiatives are you excited about, and what events will we see you at in the next 12 months?

Speaker 3: 18:11

sorry, we created a platform for hr directors to tap into to provide online group coaching and one-to-one coaching for your team and your staff if they're dealing with any kind of breakup, divorce or domestic abuse, and we are the only global providers now of that around the world. So our, my mission is to get that out and supporting as many employees and teams as we possibly can. Um, and getting in there to provide the support so they can be productive and they can, you know, maintain their health and well-being as well. So that's my mission for this year. We're really pushing ahead with that. That's why I was at cipd and you will see me there again next year. Um, I'm speaking at a few hr conferences. I'm speaking at the police well fest conference as well, which, for blue light, is on these topics as well. So there's a lot of organizations really excited about what we're doing and, uh, embracing it, which is really exciting to see. So that's the mission to get these tools out to as many companies and businesses and support as many employees as we can excellent.

Speaker 2: 19:12

Well, I appreciate your time today, sarah, and that just leaves me to say for today, sarah davidson, thank you very much for being my guest on this episode of the hr chat show thanks so much, bill.

Speaker 3: 19:22

I've really enjoyed it and listeners.

Speaker 2: 19:25

As until next time, happy working.

Speaker 1: 19:31

Thanks for listening to the HR Chat Show. If you enjoyed this episode, why not subscribe and listen to some of the hundreds of episodes published by HR Gazette and remember for what's new in the world of work? Subscribe to the show, follow us on social media and visit HRGazettecom.